Elizabeth Wood

September 3, 2008

ENGL 3200-1HW

Dr. Margaret Mitchell

                                                 Unexpected News

     A young attractive dark-haired woman sat weeping on the edge of a large black marble bathtub. In her hand she held a pregnancy test. There were two more in the trash. All three displayed a small pink plus sign, positive. The girl, Sara, heaved a sigh and got up. She went about washing her face and gathering all of the trash from the pregnancy tests. She double bagged all of the evidence, and took it out to the dumpster. There couldn’t be any sign of this when Roger got home. He absolutely could not know that she was pregnant. The black well of despair threatened to overwhelm her again, and she had to splash cold water on her face to gather her wits.

     Sara thought back to when she first met Roger. She had been in her first year of college, on her own in a strange city, reading in a coffee shop. He was much older than her, but very handsome and so kind. At least he’d seemed kind then, when he leaned over to ask her what she was reading, and for such a long time after. They had struck up a conversation. He was intelligent, articulate and funny. There was no hint of the monster behind those sweet grey eyes.

     Sara had always been shy, she never made friends easily. She didn’t realize that the natural beauty of her petite form and chocolate hair and eyes combined with that shyness made her classmates think she was a snob. She just assumed that no one liked her because she wasn’t really worth liking and she retreated further into her books. With no father to tell her she was special, and a mother who was at best uninterested, she had never developed much confidence in her own self worth.

     Books had always been her refuge. When Roger came along and expressed an interest in what she was reading and in her, she was very flattered, and more than a little confused. Roger, however, was quietly persistent in his attentions, and eventually she came around. He was so sweet in those days. He’d bring her small gifts, and take her to eat in romantic restaurants, little hidden alcoves where he slowly taught her to see herself as a beautiful and special person. She began to believe that she might be worthy of this worldly and attractive mans attentions. In turn, she fell in love with his dimpled smile and his sharp wit. It didn’t dawn on her in those early days how often that wit was used to belittle another. That realization would not come until much later, and not in time to spare her from the change that overcame Roger after they were married.

     When Roger proposed to her, in their favorite little spot, by handing her a single red rose with a diamond ring nestled inside, Sara was thrilled. Roger arranged an elegant, simple wedding on the beach in Key West. They honeymooned there for two weeks in blissful happiness. Roger was very attentive during this time, he touched her all the time, as if he couldn’t get enough or as if he was afraid she wasn’t quite real. They talked about their future together. Roger wanted children, Sara did too, but she wanted to finish school first. Roger said she would never need a degree, because she was going to be busy running their home and caring for their family. Sara put the issue out of her mind for the time being and simply enjoyed being loved so thoroughly.

     The change in Roger came about gradually. At first it was little things, her hair wasn’t quite right, why didn’t she get it styled. He was happy to go with her and direct the stylist in exactly what he had in mind. She didn’t make the bed right, he taught her how to make tight corners, and instructed her that the sheets should be changed for fresh ones every day. The grocery cabinets should be organized alphabetically and all the labels should face out. The more she tried to please him, the harder that seemed to be. And the more she failed in her efforts the more derogatory his language towards her became. Was she too stupid to remember how to make military corners he wondered out loud, after all it wasn’t that difficult a task. Did she always have to look as if she barely took care of herself? Especially considering all of the money he spent buying her just the right clothes and taking her to have her hair styled the way she knew he liked it best. These denigrations escalated into tirades, leaving Sara feeling more and more incompetent. She was often left wondering why she couldn’t seem to get anything right, how had she managed to muck up what had seemed to be a dream come true?

     Then came the day, their second anniversary, that Roger’s tirades escalated even further, into violence. Sara had made every effort to make sure their anniversary was special. She had her hair freshly styled, and she made him his favorite meal. She had laid out the table with special care, adding candles for a romantic touch. But it seemed that her efforts had fallen short yet again. When Roger finally came home he complained that the food was cold, and Sara made the mistake of pointing out that it wouldn’t have been cold if he had called to let her know he was going to be late. After he overturned the table and knocked her to the floor he stormed out, leaving Sara to clean up the mess alone. This wouldn’t be the last time that Sara wept bitter tears while cleaning up the debris from one of Roger’s fits. It was while she was trying to make sense of the mess, and put things back to rights that Sara made the decision to do everything in her power to never bring children into this marriage. It seemed that even in this she was destined to fail.

     After that first beating Sara began to retreat once again into the refuge of her books. It was this small safe outlet that lent her the strength to wall off a little place within herself, a small enclave of sanity. From this place Sara dared to dream of a different life, one in which she wouldn’t have to be miserable and afraid of every potential misstep. A life where she would be left alone to enjoy her books in peace and quiet. Sara began to make quiet plans to eventually leave this marriage. She had no income of her own, but she could get her hands on a few dollars here and there. Now she would have to do something quick, before her pregnancy became obvious. The thought of allowing Roger to have power over a helpless child made Sara’s blood run cold. His unpredictability was dangerous for her, for a child it would very likely be deadly.

     Sara began to consider her options. Her mind briefly touched on the idea of a quiet abortion, bought with the little money she had been able to set aside. But she recoiled from that idea, it seemed as appalling as staying with Roger to have the baby. She thought about her life here. She didn’t own anything. Everything was in Roger’s name. She had no friends, either. Her natural shyness and Rogers will had combined to ensure that. Her mother was out of the question, she’d never offered Sara any real protection as a child, and she surely couldn’t be counted on now. When Sara had broached the subject of Rogers behavior her mother had advised her to stop making him angry, and claimed that Sara just didn’t know when she had it good.

     There seemed to be only one way to keep this baby out of Rogers grasp, she would have to take the few dollars she had saved and simply walk away from this life. She would have to find some way to start over fresh, and keep him from being able to find her. Sara knew there were women’s shelters that would help you disappear, but she didn’t believe that Roger wouldn’t think of that too. She fought back the despair that threatened to overwhelm her, and began to plan. She took her car to the airport and parked it in the long term lot. From there she took a shuttle to the nearest bus station and bought a ticket to Chicago. Once she got to Chicago she would find a women’s shelter, and try to figure out how to start over. For the first time in a long time Sara felt calm. She took her book out of her purse and began to read as the Greyhound lumbered out of the station into the sunset.