“My, my, my, something smells fantastic in my house this evening,” Carla said as she struggled with her bag and coat to close the door behind her.  Friday night, quarter after six, and Carla was relieved to be off work and home for the weekend, the whole weekend with David, her long-term, live-in boyfriend of two years. At least I think it’s been two years she thought. That’s a long time to be hanging out with the same person. She giggled at her admission. 

“It’s chicken Beurre Blanc baby, your favorite. I’ve been slaving away all day—“

“My hero,” she cut him off as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him sweetly. There, standing at the stove of their two-bedroom apartment, Carla had found her place in the world. She and David were as close to content as humanly possible for people their age, twenty five and completely in love. Why wouldn’t they be?  David did well as a sous chef at an up-and-coming bistro downtown while she had just begun working as a media specialist and consultant for a pre-kindergarten program in the next county over.  

 Her job required forty-five minutes to an hour of commuting, and combined with David’s seemingly continuous work hours, Carla and he had little quality time to be with one another. Their relationship had been under strain for the past few months while she finished school, tackled her new job, and dealt with David’s relentless work schedule. Her graduation had stressed most aspects of her life, even her best friend Maggie grown increasingly distant.  I was working really hard, I didn’t have time for all that. She swallowed hard and allowed herself to remember.

David and Maggie had sex. Twice. And I know about it. To her, this betrayal was circumstantial. Twice. Maggie and David had spent a good deal of time together while Carla had been working, the three of them had always gotten along and hung out as friends, movies, dinner, parties. Maggie got too comfortable. David made a huge mistake. But things are better now. Her thoughts consoled her. Granted, Carla had been unable to rejuvenate her relationship with Maggie, just yet. But she was working on it. I forgave them. Carla was content in simply keeping the two separate, maintaining a “zero tolerance” sort of attitude; David had no business hanging out with Maggie on his own, there was no reason for it anymore. We’re all adults. People make mistakes.   

Carla reassured herself that their friendship would be fine. Maggie had been Carla’s best friend since childhood. Carla hadn’t been paying close attention, but what she did notice about her friend’s behavior concerned her. Even after the confessions, Maggie had begun to loathe her life, submerging herself into a self-depreciative mindset. She did not try to reconcile with Carla much, short of coming by every now and then to borrow something or do laundry. She left her house only for work or errands and had seemed to fully embrace a bleak outlook on everything. Honestly Carla couldn’t stand to be around her at this point. Maggie’s behavior towards David indicated more than what met the eye, but David had always insisted that nothing was going on between them anymore. Sizzling followed by a bright flash reverted her attention, the warm glow of the fire in the sauté pan reminded Carla how hungry she was.

As Carla watched David transfer the vegetables from the pan to her mother’s blue platter, she found herself contemplating his character. David was perfect to her, even now, smart, charming, proper and polite. But also sexy and funny; David could always make her laugh. He was a playful man, serious but mischievous, always bringing light into a dark situation. David is the right kind of man. He always made her feel safe and she knew she could trust him. She kept watching as he began setting the table, placing a plate at each end, filling her wine glass, laying out silverware, and remembered how he had cried. How he had fallen to his knees and cried, begged for her to forgive him. How Maggie was a mistake he wish he could take back. “I will do whatever it takes…” his words had echoed through time. And he had. He had been doting and appreciative, and their sex life had never been better. She followed the movements of his body, he was lean and fit, always active, constantly working. That was David. Always moving around, amazing people with his speed and grace in a kitchen, his know-how, his skill. David approached everything as an expert, not a know-it-all, just assured. One could get away with describing David as vain. “It’s simply self-confidence” he had said once, laughingly, to defend himself at a dinner party. Yes. David is wonderful. She began to relax while thinking of the long, lazy, weekend they’d have together. No work. Just the two of them.

As they sat down to eat, Carla relished the silence between them. The chicken was piping hot, flawlessly seared, burning the roof of her mouth. Too quick. She looked up at David, who was sitting motionless directly across from her, staring.

“What’s the matter David?”

“You and I should talk.” The color had begun to drain from his face, the shape of his eyes had saddened, his forearms rested on the table, hands in closed in relaxed fists. He waited patiently for her response.

“Talk about what?” Carla’s stomach dropped slightly, she narrowed her gaze to a look of concern.

“Maggie.”

Carla’s face must have hardened immediately, she’d given her flare of anger away, because as she stood up David was already standing and coming around to her end of the table. He was immediately at her side.

Quickly, he had his arms around her waist. “Do you believe that more is going on with me and Maggie than what we’ve talked about? Do you? Do you believe we have been continuing all that?” His eyes pleaded with hers, he pulled her closer to his chest. She pushed herself away from him, resting herself on the back of the sofa. Carla said nothing.

“It happened more than twice. And I had to tell you. Nothing has happened since the last time, when you found out, but I needed you to know. I needed to tell you the truth baby. I feel like we can’t move past this without everything being on the table.”

She remained immobile, planted to floor. I knew it. But I didn’t want to know it. Not true, not true,  this cannot be true. Her mind filled in the blanks, explaining to herself why Maggie had been acting the way she had: Maggie was in love with David. The weight of this revelation was crushing, sickening, and heartbreaking. David had stopped speaking, she’d missed the last few sentences but she already knew the majority of what had been said.

“…and she just won’t listen—“

“David. Shut up.” She paused, wondering if she really wanted to know…

“Do you love her?” The question cut through the air, slicing David’s train of thought in two. He had obviously not expected Carla to put everything together so fast but he was ready and unequivocal with his answer.

“Absolutely not. All I wanted was for things to go back to normal. For her to stop. She won’t listen. She won’t listen to me Carla when I tell her I don’t feel that way about her. And that what happened between the two of us was a mistake, regardless of how many times it happened. Clearly my head was never in the right place but most definitely my heart wasn’t there – baby you have to believe me. I know you have little reason, but you have to see. You have to see that I was trying. I broke something I can’t fix on my own. I had to tell you.”

Carla felt them. They prickled in her nose, she felt them well up in her eyes. As she blinked one solitary tear rolled down her cheek. She looked at David, and really looked at him. Not as flawless, gorgeous, witty David. But as the David she fell asleep to every night. The David that filled up her Thermos every morning, called her on his lunch break, cleaned the bathroom, and slept with the ceiling fan on only because she liked it. His face was genuine, he was sorry, she could see that.

“Do you love me David? Do you really want to be with me? Because I cannot have this conversation again. I will not waste one more minute of my life on this conversation if I don’t need to—“

“I-I-I-“ he began to interrupt.

“No. No. You listen. I need you to listen.” She took his hands in hers, he was looking down, head hanging, sniffling. She nudged his cheek with hers, forcing his eyes to meet her own.

“I love you David. I do. I really do. To the point where I’d do anything to be with you. But this. This is hard. It’s hard to accept all the emotions that come with this. Am I enough for you? Do you want this? Do you want me…David. David do you want me?” She tried to keep his eye contact but his blue eyes shifted down to the floor again. He exhaled slowly. A quiet response followed.

“I do. I love you. I want you and this forever. I want to put all of that, her, all of it, behind us. Please.”

“You lied to me David. Twice. You betrayed me. You gave her something that belongs to me. Something she didn’t earn. You gave her a piece of you. And clearly, she wants to keep it-all of it. For herself. My best friend hasn’t spoken to me, really spoken to me, in months. Because of you. Because what you gave her is more important to her than my friendship. I can’t do this again, David. I just can’t.” She made her way to the door, took her bag up, and turned to face him again, hand on the doorknob. David didn’t move, he just watched, knowing. Rooted.

“Goodbye David. If I come back, I’ll be back Sunday night. I need a normal weekend. Two days. I need two days.” She opened the door, walked to her car, got in, and drove away. David returned to his seat at the table. The Beurre Blanc was ice cold. He held his head in his hands and sobbed.