Today was just like any other day, Rosalyn awoke and looked at herself in the mirror and thought about how lucky she really was. Everything was finally falling into place just as she’d planned it out. She had Brian, the best boyfriend in the world, a career that was well on its way, and she was about to move into her first house. But there was just one thing missing from her perfect picture. Rosalyn slowly lifted her left hand to eye level and stared at her ring finger that was still like an empty bookshelf waiting to be filled with novels. She always planned things out to the last detail and her life was no different. Career, husband, kids. Career, husband, and then kids. It can’t go any other way she thought as she picked up her toothpaste.
“Ros honey hurry up we have a lot to do today.” Brian was already dressed and downstairs packing the rest of the boxes onto the truck. Rosalyn wasn’t rushing at all even though she was excited to be moving into her first house today. She was just taking it all in.
“Well, about time. I thought you’d never make it out of that room.” Brian was holding James, Rosalyn’s neighbor’s son, as he turned and kissed Rosalyn on the forehead.
“This is my last day in my apartment, my first apartment, and I’m gonna kinda miss the place.”
“I didn’t know you were moving.” Although Rosalyn had lived in her apartment for almost six years she had made it her business not to get too close to any of her neighbors. Brian was still playing with little James as Rosalyn and Terry made small talk. But Rosalyn wasn’t focused on the conversation at all. She was more focused on how comfortable Brian seemed with James. She’d seen him many times before interacting with his nieces and he always expressed to her that he wanted a big family because of his love for children.
“Yep, today’s the last time I’ll see you guys.”
“Well good luck with everything and congratulations.” James was reluctantly being put into his car seat and turning every so often to see if Brian was still making funny faces.
“Thanks Terry, bye James.”
“I can’t wait to be a father Ros.” Brian was holding Rosalyn from behind and watching Terry’s car leave the apartment complex. Rosalyn didn’t reply she just turned and kissed Brian. The sooner you propose the sooner we can have a family.
It was almost midnight when Rosalyn and Brian moved the last of the furniture into the house. Now, they both sat on the couch in front of the 50’’ plasma television Rosalyn’s dad bought her when she moved into her apartment.
“I love you.”
“Brian, I love you too.” Rosalyn was straddling Brian on the couch tracing his earlobe with her moist tongue. He loved when she played with his ears, especially with her tongue; it made him feel like silly putty in the sun. Brian held Rosalyn tightly in his arms as he caressed her back and kissed her chest.
“So, what part of the house should we christen first,” Brian’s voice was low and breathy. Rosalyn was already moving toward the steps leading to the bedroom.
Brian and Rosalyn made love several times that night and fell asleep in each others arms. Tonight was the first time in months they’d been intimate with each other. For the past five months Rosalyn had been simultaneously working on finalizing the last details with the house and juggling the duties of her new position as Editor-in-Chief for Vibe Magazine. Rosalyn moved to New York from Atlanta after graduating from college to pursue her journalism career full-time and has worked for Vibe for five and a half years. Brian is a well-to-do realtor and has made quite a name for himself. So, after much persuasion Brian moved to New York so he and Rosalyn wouldn’t have to have the stress of a long distance relationship.
***
Rosalyn was thoroughly enjoying her new office and the view it provided but being editor-in-chief was no walk in the park. Just as Rosalyn drifted away her thoughts were interrupted by her secretary’s voice on the intercom.
“Ms. Henderson your 3:00 interview is here and there’s a Mrs. Taylor on line one.”
“Please let Ms. Stefans know I’ll be right with her and you can go ahead and send me the call on line one. Thanks Ty.” I could barely wait for the call to get to my office, it was my sister Stacie. “Stacie!”
“Congratulations Sis! I hear you’re doing very well for yourself. How’s everything going?”
“It’s so good to hear your voice, I miss you so much Stacie. But everything here is fine, I got a promotion and I moved into my house about six months ago.”
“You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you.” Suddenly, Rosalyn’s mouth began to water and she could feel her mandarin chicken salad creeping up her throat. It was an all too familiar feeling. In fact it was the third time this week Rosalyn had gotten sick.
“Ho…” Rosalyn dropped the phone and made a mad dash for the bathroom. Good thing she had one in her new office or her lunch would have been all over her desk and the stories for the next issue. Damn that salad!
In the bathroom Rosalyn took a moment to brush her teeth and freshen up. She would call her sister back after her interview.
“Good afternoon Ms. Stefans. How are you?”
“Well. Thank you.”
“I’ve already taken enough of your time so let’s get started.”
For the most part the interview went fine but that was just the first of four. In between interviews Rosalyn called her sister back.
“Are you okay?” Rosalyn had to hold the phone away from her ear when her sister yelled into the receiver.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It was probably my lunch. This is the third time this week; I gotta stop eating those mandarin chicken salads.”
“Third time this week?!”
“Yes.”
“Ros, I don’t think it’s the chicken salad.”
“Then what else could it be, that’s usually what I have for lunch everyday.”
“Ros, I think you’re pregnant.” Rosalyn crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair, she could feel herself becoming annoyed by what her sister was insinuating.
“That’s stupid I’m not pregnant! It was just a bad salad, maybe the chicken was old or something.” I can’t be pregnant; this is not going to happen to me.
“Have you been really tired lately, backaches, when’s the last time you had your period?” Well I have been super tired but that’s because I’ve been running around like a mad women and my back…No! This is crazy. Rosalyn dismissed the thought.
“So, how are Greg and the girls?”
“They’re fine. Rosalyn, don’t change the subject, you didn’t answer my question.”
“Look, I have to go; I have a meeting at 5:00.” Rosalyn was hoping her sister would let her off the hook just that easy.
“I love you. You need to take a pregnancy test Ros.”
“Good-bye Stacie. I love you too.”
All through her meeting Rosalyn couldn’t shake her earlier conversation with her sister. Maybe the salad was old but maybe she was pregnant. Rosalyn didn’t leave the office until well after 2 a.m. She couldn’t wait to get home and lye in her bed and rest her aching body.
After taking her 5 a.m. run to clear her head Rosalyn sat down to have a bagel and a glass of orange juice. Before she could finish her glass of orange juice Rosalyn found herself running to the bathroom. She had thrown up again. Brian was upstairs so Rosalyn turned on the water to drown herself out. If she was in fact pregnant she didn’t want Brian to know because she wouldn’t be keeping it.
“Ros, what’s wrong?” Her running water attempt had failed. Think quick.
“Oh nothing, the orange juice is bad, I’ll stop and get some on my way home tonight.” She lied, Brian had bought the orange juice only two days ago. Career, husband, then kids, all in that order. A baby is just not in the plan right now. Brian hasn’t even asked me to marry him or even hinted at marriage. Stop! You’re not even sure if you are pregnant.
On her way to work Rosalyn made an appointment to see her gynecologist. Thankfully she had moved her 10:00 interview to 1:30 so she had plenty of time to take care of her problem. When Rosalyn arrived at her doctor’s office she filled out the form she was given by the secretary while she waited for her doctor. When was my last period? I don’t know, I’ve been so busy…
“Ms. Henderson the doctor will see you now.” Rosalyn grabbed her purse and followed the nurse to the back room. Dr. Gore came in shortly after.
“Ms. Henderson, what brings you to the office today?”
“Just a check-up Dr. Gore?” Lying was becoming second nature to Rosalyn by now.
Rosalyn felt her heart drop to her feet and all of a sudden she felt weak. Pregnant. The word rung in her ears and she couldn’t escape it. Rosalyn was in tears.
“Rosalyn this is your choice, you have options.”
“I can’t have this baby. That is my choice, I cannot have this child.” In a split second Rosalyn made her decision, she was going to terminate her pregnancy. But she couldn’t help but think about what this would do to Brian. In the following weeks Rosalyn prepared herself for what was ahead. Brian was out of town on business so he wouldn’t be around for the abortion. Now, it was fast approaching and Rosalyn could feel herself growing nervous. What if this is the wrong decision, I’m killing my child, our child? Brian loves kids and I’m sure he’d welcome this baby with open arms. No, get a hold of yourself you cannot have this baby, you’re not married.
The procedure went off without a hitch, the baby was gone. It had been nearly three weeks since the abortion. But Rosalyn didn’t feel any better, she felt worse, but she didn’t have time to worry about it now. She had several deadlines to meet and a magazine to keep running smoothly.
“Okay people, tell me where you are. I need to know where we are with he articles for this issue and if we’re near finish with all the interviews. Jonathan?”
“We still have nine articles to complete and…”
“Nine articles, what the hell have you all been doing, sleeping. I need to see results; I can not run a magazine like this!” Rosalyn was shouting at the top of her lungs and she could feel herself growing dizzy, then the room went black.
“She’s lost a lot of blood but she’ll be fine.” Brian had rushed over to the hospital after he received the call at work that Rosalyn fainted and was being rushed to the emergency room.
“Lost blood, what’s going on, was she hurt?” Brian scratched his head; he was confused and was beginning to freak out. “What’s going on?”
“It seems Ms. Henderson had an abortion several weeks ago and she had continued to lose blood since that time. We’re going to keep her for a few days but I guarantee you she will be fine Mr. Henderson.”
“What! An abortion?”
“Yes sir. I thought...You are her husband aren’t you?”
Brian wanted answers and someone was about to tell him something. He stormed into the room where Rosalyn was lying in the bed.
“Why Rosalyn?” Rosalyn sat up straight in the bed; she didn’t have an answer for him.
“Brian I did what I thought was best. We’re not married and I…” Rosalyn was stopped in mid conversation when Brian tossed a small box at her feet and walked out of the room. Rosalyn knew without knowing what was in the box. She felt her soul die, she had killed their child, Brian’s child, and she didn’t even think twice about it. Three days later Rosalyn was released from the hospital and put on bed rest for a couple of days. She’d lost a lot of blood from the abortion and she needed to rest. When she arrived at her house she was happy to see that Brian was there but she was afraid to face him.
“Brian, let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain Rosalyn. You made the decision alone and you didn’t think about how it would affect anyone else.”
“Baby, I…”
“NO! I don’t want to hear anything else. When I got that call I thought something bad had happened to you. I love you Ros, I was going to propose to you this weekend. I was waiting for the right time. I called your parents and your sister and everyone was coming over. But you killed my baby Ros. I can’t forgive you for that.” Brian had packed his things and was heading toward the door.
“Please Brian, I’m sorry. I love you!” Brian was already pulling away from the house and Rosalyn just stood there, crying.
Brian had been gone for almost a month and Rosalyn hadn’t heard from him. She’d called and called but he had not returned her calls.
“Rosalyn, that was a foolish thing to do. Why didn’t you tell him? You lost a good man all because you were being selfish, only thinking about how you would be affected. You not only killed his child but you aborted my niece or nephew and mom and dad’s grandchild. Mom won’t even talk to me because she thinks I knew about it. You need to fix this. ”
“How, how am I going to fix this? I screwed up big time.”
“I don’t know Ros but you need to do some soul searching and figure out how you’re going to make this right. I love you but this was wrong on so many levels.”
“Stacie, I don’t need a lecture! I need help.” Rosalyn slammed down the phone. I don’t need this shit!
Rosalyn drove home in silence. She was stressed out and trying to keep her focus on her career but she couldn’t. What would life be like with a baby around? When Rosalyn walked through the door she was surprised to see Brain sitting on the sofa. She could smell the liquor as she got closer to him and he was babbling on about something but she couldn’t understand what he was saying.
“I…I…I love you Ros, how could you?” She had never seen Brian like this even in the almost nine years they had been together.
“Baby, please forgive me. I was selfish I know, please, I can make this right again.”
“I don’t know if I can do that. You lied to me.”
“We can fix this Brian. I was scared, can’t you understand that? Please take me back Brian, you won’t regret it.”
Brian knew he loved Rosalyn and she knew it too. Together, they sat on the floor in her living room holding each other and crying. This was not going to be easy but Brian was willing to try to work it out.